Friday, May 11, 2012

Mother's Day Is Here Again

It's been a rough couple of weeks.  Linus keeps rolling over when I change his diaper, pulling up on the rocking chair, and he's been a bit sick and doesn't want his nose cleaned.  Molly's as defiant as ever.  And demands attention when it is most inconvenient.  I was sick yesterday.  Still mood swingy.  :(   I think that's all the bad stuff. 

Linus's bumps and bruises have been pretty minor so far.  We got a new front door.  Linus has also discovered Yo Gabba Gabba. The garden is doing pretty well.  Although we planted a little too early and the corn didn't get very tall.  I think in a couple weeks we'll pull it up and plant some more. There are a whole bunch of potatoes and butternut squash though!

And it's Mother's Day.  And just like last year, it's a little bittersweet.  I love being a mother, but a daughter?  Not so much.  It is amazing I think that after all these years, knowing what I know, deciding what I've decided, doing what I've done,  and still at the age of 36, I can still feel so, so abandoned.  And I mean amazing in a bad way.  I'm not trying to be rescued.  I only want to take care of myself and my child, and somehow it hurts so much.  Every time I see or hear anything about telling your mom how much you appreciate her, my chest hurts.  If I do that, if I reach out with an olive branch then the expectation will be that things will go back to the way they were.  I can't allow that this time. 

As Dr. Phil says, "You can love someone and not love what they do."  

I love my mom.

Now that I've exercised that demon for the year, it's time to move on.  And Mr. Screamy needs to eat.

Happy Mother's Day!

No comments:

Post a Comment