It's been a rough couple of weeks. Linus keeps rolling over when I change his diaper, pulling up on the rocking chair, and he's been a bit sick and doesn't want his nose cleaned. Molly's as defiant as ever. And demands attention when it is most inconvenient. I was sick yesterday. Still mood swingy. :( I think that's all the bad stuff.
Linus's bumps and bruises have been pretty minor so far. We got a new front door. Linus has also discovered Yo Gabba Gabba. The garden is doing pretty well. Although we planted a little too early and the corn didn't get very tall. I think in a couple weeks we'll pull it up and plant some more. There are a whole bunch of potatoes and butternut squash though!
And it's Mother's Day. And just like last year, it's a little bittersweet. I love being a mother, but a daughter? Not so much. It is amazing I think that after all these years, knowing what I know, deciding what I've decided, doing what I've done, and still at the age of 36, I can still feel so, so abandoned. And I mean amazing in a bad way. I'm not trying to be rescued. I only want to take care of myself and my child, and somehow it hurts so much. Every time I see or hear anything about telling your mom how much you appreciate her, my chest hurts. If I do that, if I reach out with an olive branch then the expectation will be that things will go back to the way they were. I can't allow that this time.
As Dr. Phil says, "You can love someone and not love what they do."
I love my mom.
Now that I've exercised that demon for the year, it's time to move on. And Mr. Screamy needs to eat.
Happy Mother's Day!