Thursday, December 30, 2010

Speak My Mind

Last year my New Year's Resolution was to -drum roll please- lose weight of course.  And I did lose about ten pounds.  My victory however, has been in the fact that I have not gained it back. That makes me happy.  I would like to lose about fifteen more, but since my boobs are bigger and my hips wider, I'm not sure how low to go.  But Molly and I will be walking to school again starting next week and I am actually getting excited about the idea of dropping at least a few pounds.  

But that's not the New Year's Resolution that I care so much about.  I have decided after reading this post on a blog that I stumbled across at some point and enjoy reading, that I am no longer going to be a coward.  I will speak my mind.  If this Aunt Becky can make it through having an autistic son and a daughter who had to have brain surgery as a baby, then surely I can overcome my own issues.  And while I'm still hesitant to give out details, because I'm not completely certain that I know all the details, I would like to say a few things.

I know now why I've always been so full of self-doubt.  When the people you look up to the most continuously argue with you and tell you that the things you know are real aren't real, you don't question those people.  You doubt you're own ability to judge the world.  When every move you make is wrong, with a few seemingly random rights thrown in, you doubt yourself.  That is until you grow up.  At some point, all those moments that should have been guided by compassion and understanding come back.  They are looked at anew.  You can fool a five year old.  You cannot fool a thirty-five year old, because the truth has always been there, waiting to see the light.  

There are other people who have had much worse experiences than me, and I don't pretend to know what it's like for those people, but this has always served as a sense of guilt on my part.  But I wasn't beaten-and I am grateful for that- but I wasn't raped or belittled in public etc.-and I am grateful that things weren't worse than they were.  However, I will no longer use those things as a measuring stick.  If something is wrong, it is wrong, no matter the severity.  

There are people in this world that I will always, always, love.  I can't help it.  But I won't let those people determine my sense of reality anymore.  And I won't let them throw that love back in my face.  And I will-and have-created something new in my life.  And I will live the way I want.  And from now on I will say what I want on my blog.  I'm sure I will make mistakes and I'm sure I will misunderstand things, but I will do it with love and boldness, not cowardice and timidity.  That is what I am looking forward to in the new year.  I invite all to join me!

Monday, December 27, 2010

After Christmas Sale

I decided to mark everything on  my etsy site way down for an after Christmas clearance sale. We'll see what happens. 

Check out this.  

And this.  

Sale ends January 1, 2011.

I'm also hoping to raise a little cash in order to widen my yarn horizons and develop some more interesting items to sell in the New Year. Unfortunately, I'm not a designer, and I don't know how dependent I want to be on other people's patterns.  That's one reason it's been so slow going.  I do have lots of ideas though that I'm super excited about.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas, etc.  I hope the New Year goes well for everyone.  I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Ellen who is having an especially rough holiday season.  Hang in there Ellen!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Happy Christmas!

I really do wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy other Holidays.  

The past week and a half has been a bit rough for us.  I don't wish my problems on anyone.  But one thing I know is that I will not apologize for myself, my feelings, or my thought processes and the conclusions I draw from them.  I'm done feeling bad for wanting to be happy and alive.  Although I don't want to go into detail at this time, because of the nature of the internet and all, and because nothing seems to be resolved at this time, I know and am confident that I have the best of intentions.  I also know that I am a smart person with amazing analytic abilities.  I understand what logical fallacies are and I am able to look at any given situation, even those involving my child, with as objective a viewpoint as possible and look for the truth that is and not look for the truth that I want to see.  Any assumption that I make can dissolve quite easily if given evidence to the contrary.  At this time, I have nothing else to go on, but a dismissive explanation and a refusal to acknowledge a basic right to be heard. 

And I am left with one question.  How I can ever expect my daughter to stick up for herself when she's an adult, if I can't stick up for her when she's five?  And when I ask myself this question, my whole life seems to make sense.  I apologize to no one.

Have a fun and happy week and weekend and thanks for letting me go off on a tangent without much explanation.  Thanks to everyone who reads!  I have enjoyed baring my soul to you.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

I would like to address:

This whole Happy Holidays thing.  As someone who does not believe that a virgin can or could or ever will have a miraculous child implanted by some supreme being in the sky, I really don't care how you refer to this particular holiday.  And it is a holiday, so it should be okay for me to wish you a Happy Holiday, right? 

What does this holiday mean to me then? If I don't believe in the religious aspect of it?  Well, it is also a cultural experience.  If you have a job, most people get the day off anyway, why not spend it with people you care about. The Santa thing is kind of fun for kids.  They get some candy in their stockings, an Olivia Doll House under the tree, etc.  Why not?

If I refer to Christmas as a holiday, how does that detract from it?  I recognize that other people in my community are not celebrating Christmas, but rather some other "holiday" from their own cultural experience. I have, really no idea what Kwanza is, but if you are celebrating it, I hope you have a good one.  Isn't there some Islamic holiday going on right now as well?  I hope all of the holidays go well for everyone. This is a genuine sentiment.  Because, although I don't believe in the supernatural aspect of any religion, the strength of my convictions is not dependent on what other people believe or think about the world.  

So, I say it loud, I say it clear. (Sen. Inhoffe)

Happy Holidays!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

It's been a weird week.  There was the fever on Wednesday, along with the REALLY bad sore throat that is still lingering.  This morning was the Pre-K Christmas party.  Both the a.m. and p.m. classes were there, as well as the mentors from Chesapeake. The room was packed and hot and I spent a lot of time running around with a giant trash bag.  I'm not complaining though. Honestly.  

Molly is at my mom's this weekend and we got about half of our Christmas shopping done this evening.  Yay!  I'm also going to be looking after one of Molly's classmates a few days a week which I think will be fun for Molly.  I was sleepy this afternoon so I drank a bunch of coffee and now I am unable to sleep.  :0)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Food Drive

We decided to have a food drive for Molly's birthday instead of presents.  One of my friends had to do something for work so she took up a collection and bought lots of stuff. Everyone else brought lots of food as well.  I really thought everyone would just bring a can.  I didn't expect the level of generosity that I witnessed. Thanks to everyone who made the food drive such a success. 

So, we dropped the food off at the Regional Food Bank yesterday, Molly and I.  I loaded the car back up while she was at school, and we drove out after I picked her up.  She complained the whole way that she was hungry, which I thought was ironic.  I just told her that's what happens when you don't eat all your lunch.  :0)  Someone named Angie took our picture at the food bank, and it's supposed to be going up on the website.  But I noticed when I went to the website that Governor Elect, Mary Fallon was also there yesterday, so we'll see what happens.