Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Happy Christmas, etc.!

I don't know if I have a cold or the flu, but it is kicking my ass! And I keep having to suck the baby's nose out, because he seems to be sick as well.  Molly keeps trying to get me to do stuff for her.  She's still sick too. 

When I look back over the last year, I am happy with all that I've managed to accomplish.  I made a whole human being albeit not exactly on purpose.  My daughter no longer hangs onto me crying, and saying, "I want Momma, I want Momma,"  when I try to leave her somewhere.  In fact, the last time I left her she cried because I came back too early.  Yay!  

Things are looking up for the next year and I can't wait to see how things play out. Barring unforeseen issues and events, I think it will be a good year. Of course, it's hard to be optimistic when the baby is crying, the six year old is yelling at me, and I can't breathe through my nose.  

I hope everyone has a good Holiday Season! 
I'll be back on January 4, 2012.
For now I'm going to see if I can take a shower.  :D

Monday, December 5, 2011

Scrap Hat

I went to visit my grandmother and she was making an afghan out of the leftovers of all her yarn.  The wheels in my head began to turn.  I made a hat for a birthday party we went to as an experiment:

That's the same hat, I just flipped it over.  The two year old I made it for looked especially cute in it.  I think it would be neat to make them more color coordinated.  So, this is going down on my list of things to do.  :D

Monday, November 28, 2011

Number 6

I don't really know how this happened for sure, but my six year old is in love with Justin Bieber.  She kept telling me how she loved Justin Beaver.  We tried to demonstrate how to actually pronounce his name, but she didn't care.  So anyhoo, I felt compelled to spend too much money on the napkins, plates, cups, and balloons.  She did end up eating that huge piece of cake, but she had to take a break half way through.  I can't believe I let her eat all of that partially hydrogenated stuff that they undoubtedly make the icing out of!  :0)

I didn't want to be like everyone else and do a Thankful post, but I do have lots to be thankful for and I hope everyone had a good holiday!

Monday, November 21, 2011

I Am A Bit Sad

Do you want to know why I tell other people about what happened?  Because they listen when I talk. Because they don't attack me in an effort to confuse me so much that I forget what the problem was in the first place and believe that the real problem is me.  Because other people don't try to compete with me for my daughter's affection.  Because other people don't talk shit about you. 

I am sad.  I am sad that you have hurt my family in such a way that you will probably never even want to understand. You have hurt us and think that you are right to do so.  You have caused us pain and seem to enjoy that fact.  And I am sad because now, now that I've grown up, I would never try to hurt you that way.  Even the times that I did hurt you, if you can even be hurt, I had other intentions in mind, and knowing that hurts me.  You act as though, I feel as though, you want everything to be my fault.  This is how you want it to be, but it was never what I wanted.  I wanted only for you to return the love and acceptance that I naively gave to you, because that is what I was supposed to do, that is what I was programmed by nature to do.  And you want this all to be my fault as you provide a united front against the "attack" from a five year old-whom " he will never  touch again," only so that you don't have to take responsibility for what you have done, for the pain you have caused.  

I want to understand the fear that causes you to act this way, but I do not.  I told my husband that if he'd been the one to hurt her, she and I would live in my car before I let him do it again.  And he said, "Rightfully so."  But you are not strong enough to understand that and I am sad.  I am sad that the person whom I most modeled my life on turned out, despite all that ranting, to be so weak.  I am sad that when I stepped out into the light you absolutely refused to follow.  What are you so afraid of?  Are you afraid I'll hate you? Something I could never, even now, do?  Or are you afraid I'll still love you?

At this juncture it looks like whatever I do, I lose.  Either I lose the respect of my daughter or I lose my parents' acceptance.  I know which one I choose, but I am sad that I have to, that you would both ask me to.  We have so little time left together, if you think about it.  I hope there is a path ahead that I am unable to see right now, but I fear there is not.  I choose the unconditional love of my daughter, who will either be hurt because I let her go with you again, or she will be hurt because I don't.

All the things that have upset me in the past, although are examples perhaps of what we are going through now, mean nothing to me now.  I have only one issue.  My daughter went to your house for the weekend and she came back different. I can't tell her it was nothing to be scared about, because I don't know, and you know why I don't know. There is really nothing for me to fix.  It's for the two of you to do.

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Here's a picture of the custom order I made a while back.  I planned on listing it but I haven't made another set yet, and I just don't think I'd get it done very quickly if someone happened to want one, so I'll wait until next year I guess.


Monday, November 14, 2011


We got the house cleaned up yesterday.  It seems terrible on some level to want a clean floor and the laundry done more than to want to take the time to breast feed my baby.  But even bottle feeding takes a lot of time apparently.  I feel so less cluttered and dirty in my mind now too-now that the house is cleaned that is. And Mike let me sleep through the night Friday and you would not believe the world of difference it seems to have had!  Yay! 

So, today, I'm going to try and get some bean soup and bread made.  We'll see what happens.
:D  Laugh, laugh, laugh! 

I think I'll wait and get the etsy stuff going in January.  I really hope the economy doesn't get worse. For various reasons.  I hope Mike gets a raise soon.  :)

Friday, November 11, 2011

I'm So Tired of All the Pee!

Well if I'm not going to breastfeed, then I need to make up for it by using my time wisely.  Right?  Or should I just lay back, relax and enjoy my children?  I don't know.  Anyway I have my first sinus headache of the season and I'd really like to go to the grocery store. I hate being broke and owing doctors and hospitals a lot of money.  (Soap for sale!)

To all those people who rioted at Penn State:  if you use your position of authority to protect a rapist, you get what you get.  Jeebus. I understand you're disappointed in your hero, but get used to it.  Life is like that.  Events usually unfold to reveal that your hero, is after all, human.  It's sad, but it happens everyday.  Be your own hero.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on all those youngsters though.  Everyone has to learn in their own way, I guess.  I just get tired of people feeling sorry for powerful men at the expense of helpless victims.  It's insane. (The following statements are sarcastic in meaning.) Oh, you poor grown man.  It's not like you should have known better.  I bet that ten-year-old would've overpowered you had you not raped him.  You must have been so scared of that ten-year-old!  And poor Joe.  He must have been so scared to ask more questions than he did.  It's hard to believe grad students.  They are always running around talking crazy. 

Okay.  I'm done with the sarcasm, but not the disgust. I mean if you conclude that something inappropriate happened, but it just wasn't to the extent that was first brought to your attention, didn't, then, something inappropriate still happen?

Anyway enough with the current events, I need to get showered if I am going to go anywhere today. 


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Maternal Love is a Complex Thing

I haven't given up on breastfeeding, but I'm afraid poor little Linus has.  He is just so hungry.  I'm trying to decide what to best expend my energy on.  He seems so much happier with a bit of formula in him. Or perhaps because the delivery system is faster.  I don't know.  It's also easier for me to get up with him at night if I don't have to spend an hour and a half feeding him each time.  

I'm also concerned about the fatigue induced indifference that I feel towards him at times.  He always looks so worried and I want so much to reassure him.  But sometimes I just lay there and listen to him cry because I don't want to get up.  I feel like I'm in a depression medication commercial.  And I feel like I failed.  Again.  I failed at something I wanted to do.  Except that I have found that I don't want to do it all the time.  I'm just a big bag of contradictions I guess.  

To end on a happier note:  He's growing and he's started to coo and smile a little.  He looks around a lot.  At least now Molly can feed him sometimes. :)


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Halloween Pictures

I actually got about six hours of sleep last night!  Yay!  I'm having trouble mentally, emotionally, physically keeping up with how much this kid needs to eat.  I have plenty of milk, but just not the energy.  So, I've been supplementing.  The upside, he sleeps so good.  :0)

Here's a couple pics from Trick or Treating. 

Poor little Linus peed his pants and got upset and had to quit trick or treating early.  Then Daddy tried to feed him and he threw up.  But Molly had a good time and got lots of candy.


Monday, October 24, 2011

Back From the Baby Making

    Well, I feel like I'm ready to get back to work, but since someone likes to scream from midnight to five in the morning I don't really know how things are going to go.  I will have to make time I guess.   How do you take care of yourself and do the things that you want to do?  Not that I don't want to take care of my new little bear of course.  It just seems so time consuming right now.

This pregnancy was a lot harder on me than the last one too.  As well as the labor and birth.  That stubborn kid had to come out face up.  Now I know it could have been worse and all, but I didn't enjoy having to stop pushing so that I could throw up.  That was no fun.  I don't think it was bad enough for PTSD or anything, but it was traumatic enough for me to accept that I'm definitely too old to do it again.  :0) Two is plenty anyway.  As I used to say when I didn't want to have children at all:  There are 7 billion people on the planet, why do I need to make more?

On a completely different subject, I have to say that I am so glad that Qadafi is not in a position to do anymore harm.  And I do understand that his last moments of life were probably much better lived than those of a lot of his victims.  I really don't want to judge anyone their celebratory moment on this issue, because, frankly, any sense of mercy that guy might have received from me went away when I read about the attacks on the hospitals.  So, I'm hardly one to be on my high horse this time.  I understand the videos and the pictures and the displaying of his body.  I really do.  What I hate is my five-year-old daughter seeing those very same images on television and having to explain to her why it's kind of okay to be glad someone is dead.  (I know, I know, turn the channel.)  I don't understand why I have to keep looking at a gruesomely dead body.  Why is it so important to show those graphic images on the news repeatedly?  

Maybe it's because I recently gave birth, but isn't the belief in the sacredness of human life what separates us from people like Qadafi?  His victims can have their moment, but should we perpetuate this love of gore and violence, even when it seems justified?      

What do you think?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

All Right, Fine

While I've been a bit more productive the past week or so, I still have so much left to do.  I also have a custom order to do for etsy!  I'm so excited.  I will be working on that this week, and putting my to do list off.  I have things to clean and organize!  So anyway, I think I may take a blogging break, since I have been anyway and I'm feeling a bit uninspired. Blah.  If I post anything up on etsy, I may share a picture or two.  But I think the next time I blog will be a picture of my brand new boy.  :0)

So have fun everyone and I will be taking my blog maternity leave about three weeks early.  Yay!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Gift Sets on Etsy

I am posting up a few gift sets on etsy this week. 

$5.99 each, plus shipping.  Check them out

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Oh, how I love September.  And this year 80 degree weather with a cool chill in the air is especially luxurious.  Yesterday we actually went to an arts festival at OCCC and walked around and I didn't even feel like puking!  Yay for no heat!  

Of course, Molly wanted her face painted and we couldn't really afford to get a funnel cake to share and get her face painted.  So, when we got home...

Mike did her up real good! And she went around the rest of the day telling us that her face was painted.  :D

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Some Pictures For Fun :0)

We'll start with a picture of my belly.  It's not the best picture of me, 
but you can see how big my boy is getting. 

Molly was driving me crazy on Sunday, so I set her to work on painting a couple onesies.  The first one is a butterfly.  The next one is an S for Linus.  

 Mike put in a cat door so that cats could go in the garage and do their business instead of doing it in the closet of the baby's room.  We often walk by and see this.  For some reason, it just seems so funny.  I wonder if this is why the electric bill is so high? 


Well, I've got about a month left to go.  Let's see what I can do with my month of quiet time. :0)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Baby Pants

I have also finished the pants that I knitted for my boy.  :0)

We've got our first parent teacher conference tomorrow.  Molly's teacher seems super nice. I'm so glad, what with her security issues and all.  I think she's made a lot of progress since school started because she's spent so much time away from me.   I would like to assure the world, that Molly being scared to leave my side serves me no purpose whatsoever. None.  I love her.  I don't want her to be afraid to leave me.  I want her to be free to live her life her way.  I want that for Linus too.  Hmmm.  Linus Michael?  Linus Anthrax?  Linus Aristotle?  ( You know, of course, that Aristotle was a misogynist, an imperialist and a slave owner.)  Linus Franklin?  Franklin is from Peanuts too though isn't it?  

Well, I have a five year old's room to clean.  Yay!
Despite the obvious suffering, life is still grand, isn't it?

Monday, August 22, 2011


The baby's room is painted and just about ready for curtains and furnishings.  Yay!  His placenta has moved up and is out of the way.  I go to the OB on Thursday and hopefully find out what we'll do from there.  I bought some pjs over the weekend to wear at the hospital.  Now I just need an overnight bag.  :D  And actually, I'm making some wool slippers that I think I shall wear.  That's one thing I distinctly remember from having Molly, cold feet, even with socks.

Well, I have a busy week ahead and this kid is really wearing me out. 

Oh, I have to mention, HOORAY! for the Libyan rebels! 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Everything's A Mess!

We are trying to finish up the baby's room and just about everything that's been stored in it is at the top of the stairs or in the living room.  Molly's room is a giant mess.  Did you know it's the middle of August??!!!!!!!!!!! That means we only have about SIX weeks!  I had really hoped to have more done by now!  

Freak out!

Freak out!

Freak out!

I have been staying busy, but I've been taking it easy at the same time with my all day kindergarten still have to get up at seven even if I don't sleep well thing going on.  But now, I must really get busy, eh?  Maybe I'll sleep better if I wear myself out more.  Yeah, that's it.

Freak out!

Freak out!

Freak out!

I think I need to do a Facebook ban.  I keep reading articles about politics and stuff.  It's all driving me crazy.  Those tea party guys are making me mad.  Why do I let bullies make me mad?  They aren't worth the energy.  Except when they are in a position to make decisions about my health care needs.  I still owe the hospital money!!!!!

Freak out!

Freak out!

Freak out!

No, really.  I'm okay.  I'll take things as they come, like I usually do.  And I'll get to meet my boy soon.  :0)

Check out this etsy shop full of darling crochet patterns!

Back to the cleaning and knitting and sewing and organizing and trying not to beat the kitty.  :D  (Laughing because I have to .)

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I am so happy this morning to wake up to dark clouds hiding the sun.  :0)

 Here's a couple pictures from Mike and Molly making my birthday cake.  Notice that Molly is angry she doesn't get to help put the icing on.  :D   

Mike took a couple of me with the finished cake, but somehow I look insane in every one. Have a happy storm day, if you are so lucky.  I, myself, will so be off to get my uterus measured again. Yay!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I'm Still Enjoying the All Day Kindergarten!

I am still adjusting to getting up at 7 instead of 8 or 9 or 10.  It's not so bad really, except when the pregnancy insomnia sets in.  Blah.  

But this afternoon I had exceptional energy levels, and I thought, how odd. Hmmmmm.  What could it be?  And then I realized that it had only gotten to like 97 today.  I wasn't dying from the heat!  

So I cleaned out the pool (which was really dirty because of a crazy, windy, ten minute storm last night), and Molly and I went swimming after dinner.  I actually felt a little cold after the sun started setting.  It was so nice. I can't wait to plant for the fall.  

I had a nice quiet birthday over the weekend, although I felt a bit irritable with Molly.  I will get pictures of the cake Mike and Molly made up at a later date.  :0)

I also had lots of plans for work this week and I just haven't felt like focusing on what I should do.  I'll see what I can do tomorrow and Thursday.  ;0)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

All By Myself

Whoever decided that all day kindergarten should be mandated in the state of Oklahoma is officially my best friend, or are my best friends.  Unless, of course one of them is Sally Kern, and then in that one case I take it back.  :0)   This is just the sort of rest and relaxation that I needed to work into my day, too bad it's only until late Septemberish or early Octoberish. Then I will have even more work to do!  Yay!

Here's a couple of pictures that Mike found on his old phone when we got new ones.

 She's so awesome and all that, but sometimes I miss the little her. :0)

Monday, August 1, 2011

Vacation is Over

School starts today.  :) and :( 
While I was away, we picked some wonderful cantaloupes in the garden.  The first one was the smallest melon I have ever seen in my life. :)

Mike made some Thai cucumber slices from a recipe he got at work.  The original recipe is for a quart jar.  You fill it with half water half vinegar and put a quarter cup of sugar in it.  Add a cut up jalapeno.  They'll keep for a couple weeks that way. The jar looked so pretty next to my cantaloupe bowl.  :0)  While I am sad about the lack of tomatoes and green beans, we are now planning our fall garden.  Mike has already planted some brusselsprouts.   As soon as I get the useless tomato and green bean plants pulled up, we plan on getting some peas, cabbage, and winter squash going.  

Friday, July 22, 2011


Have to post this, and then back on vacation.  Placenta still a little low, but go back in a month. 

Don'tcha' just want to smooch him?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Vacation Time

I have made a decision today. I have two weeks left before Molly goes back to school.  I have a lot of stuff to do before the baby comes, including help my husband repaint his room.  I am going to spend the next two weeks spending time with Molly and getting my junk organized to make room for another person to live in this house. 

I have also been informed that Artfire no longer has a free account, so my plans for that site are put on hold for now.  I can't afford too much Etsy marketing, so I will put my money making plans on hold for now as well.  When I am by myself for the months of August and September, I will start again.  I know I continue to find excuses to not do what I want, but I am still plugging along.  And everyone deserves a vacation, right?  Frankly, I've just been having a hard time focusing on everything at once.  For now I will focus on my family and home.  The only thing I will be doing is mailing out any orders that I might get, so you can still buy what I already have up.  

I will be back in two weeks.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Oh, Sleeping Beauty!

I went out into the backyard and Sleeping Beauty was all darting out the door, so I was like, fine, I'll bring him back in in a minute.  We do let him out sometimes while we are out there, but then bring him back in. Anyway, I forgot about him.  Completely forgot about him.  That happened yesterday about four thirty or five.  And when my friend came over for dinner with her two year old, I kept thinking it was strange that our friendly cat wasn't out trying to lick the two year old or something.  After my friend left and Molly went to bed we went out to water the garden and that's when I remembered.  I know cats usually come back and I wasn't really worried, but I just wanted him to come back before Molly got out of bed.  It's her cat after all, and I lost him. I kept saying to myself, "Freerange Kitties, Freerange Kitties."

For a couple hours I felt like a very bad mom.  Like the time we forgot to go enroll Molly for Pre-K.  We just totally forgot.  Or like when I was pregnant with Molly, and I let my fish die because I was too busy throwing up and working overtime to clean his bowl out.   So, I felt real bad, and hoped I wouldn't have to tell Molly.

He was hiding in the green beans this morning, but he ran under the neighbor's house.   We had to coax him out.  And then Mike told Molly about it after she got up.  I think she's mad at me.  But she spends a lot of time being mad at me, so you know. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Heat Wave

I only wanted to run a couple of errands on Saturday.  I wanted to go to Walmart to get a couple things I forgot at the grocery store and stop at Ross down the street to see if they'd gotten any uniforms in yet since they are significantly cheaper there than Target.  And after that, we were going a little bit farther to the Mediterranean Deli for some pastrami and muenster and hummus. Ross was the first stop on our list and after I found the couple of things I was looking for and stood in line forever behind these idiots who had no ID, we went back outside to walk to the car.  I almost threw up in the Ross parking lot.  I spent a lot of time on our excursion waiting for Molly to get in the car, buckling her seat belt for her since it was so hot and wishing I'd brought more water.  

It wasn't until later when I was watching the news that I found out  that it was 110 degrees that day.  I have no idea what the temperature was yesterday because I slept all day.  They said on the news that the heat is from La Nina, but I am still worried about the global warming thing.   110 degrees!  That's a new one on me, I think.  Our tomatoes can't make tomatoes because it's too hot.  And the green beans aren't producing anything.  The plants all look great, and we water them every night, but they can't produce the seeds. We do have lots of squash and cucumbers.

Molly's voice is especially annoying today.  I can't wait for school to start.  I know I should enjoy this last little bit of time that I have with only her, but, well, it's so damn hot.  I am buckling under the pressure.   What can I do?  I have a compost pile, I try to grow my own vegetables, I try not to drive too much, I watch my electricity usage.  I wash my Ziploc bags!  What more can I do?  I'm not a scientist, I'm not a public official, and since I'm not a Christian, no one would vote for me if I decided to become one.  I wouldn't know where to start anyway.  I think I am rambling now.  I must have a sinus headache in the making.  Yay!

Happy Monday Everyone!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

In Order to Move Forward, Sometimes You Have to Complain a Little First

After a month-at least-of 100+ degree temperatures-every single effing day, I think I have had enough!  I can't afford the electric bill, but if I don't keep it turned down than I lapse into narcoleptic like  dozing spells.  I can't swim and get my exercise.  The water is too hot.  I guess I'll have to get my pregnancy yoga dvd out.  Molly's been wanting to do it anyway.  But then, I'll probably have to turn the air down more.  Bastards!  I'm pretty sure I don't have the pregnancy depression though. So that's good, right?

I will be putting this soap and washcloth set on Artfire very soon. 

No, I didn't take this picture.  A friend of Mike's is helping us with Soaped Up! and he has a fancy camera that I am very jealous of.  This particular soap is hand milled with tea tree oil and oatmeal. 

Well, lots of work to catch up on! :0)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Alright then, I know I've been saying this for like three years or so, but I really need to make some money.  I'm going to have to try a bit harder.  I'm sorry,  A WHOLE LOT harder.  :0)    I can't keep sleeping until ten, like I did this morning.  (We did stay up late last night so Molly could see the fire works, though.  And I have been having trouble sleeping, and I am pregnant.)  Do you hear someone making excuses?  I don't either.   

So, I got my Artfire studio up and ready to go today, and I have one whole item up.  It's an item that expired on etsy, and I thought I'd start of with that just for today.  I really do have more plans.  (No, I mean it this time.)  

Here's to a little hard work, initiative, confidence, and a willingness to forget about stupid fears that were taught to you before you were old enough to know better.  In fact, I have a quote from Dr. Phil's Life Strategies.  I hope it inspires you as much as it did me yesterday.  

       "You don't have the right to hide behind fear.  You don't have the right to waste your gifts."

For more Dr. Phil insights, check out his website.

So, I'm saying to all who need to hear:  NO MORE HIDING!  I know I need to tell myself.  :0)

Friday, July 1, 2011

It's the Heat!

What a waste this week has been in lots of ways.  And it seemed to last forever!  (Don't you hate people who use exclamation points?)    I got a little bit of what I want done, but just not enough.  And Molly is always lurking around waiting to attack with a hug for the baby, which was cute the first 50 times.  I think for the holiday weekend I will hide in the closet and make Mike bring me food. Lots of food. And homemade frappaccinos.  I'm sure Molly and the cats will find a way to get in with me.  If only she would let me leave her somewhere for a couple hours, but she's "afraid to do that now."  I'm not sure how to handle that.  Right now I'm allowing her space to figure it out for herself, but Jeebus!  It's summer and I have another month to go! (Stupid exclamation points!)  Anyway, hopefully the heat wave will be over soon.  I was walking through the parking lot at the grocery store yesterday and I thought, why did I want to do this now-in the hottest part of the 100+ degree day? 
I'm so thirsty! 

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend everyone!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Chocolate Bar

Here is the latest soap addition to my etsy shop.  Enjoy!  It leaves the lingering smell of chocolate on all your body parts.  

Monday, June 20, 2011

Moving On Up!

Good news first.  The baby's placenta has moved away from the cervix and will likely continue to do so resulting in no C-section.  Yay!  Good news for Father's Day this weekend.  :0)  I think we have also decided on Linus for the first name.   I'm planning on getting some blue fleece to make a blanket with so he can carry it around with him.  We still don't know about a middle name, but I thought Peach might be fun.  Teehee!

More good news.  I am now on flickr. (Username is knittingbyheather.)  I hope you have also noticed my Twitter button.  Hopefully I did that right.  I'm going to try and think up something clever to post on Twitter at some point.  Something about Wieners maybe?  No, I'm sure that's been done to death.  I have also signed up for Artfire finally.  I haven't posted anything up, but I do have plans for the week.  I will write a post about it soon.  

Here's a picture of a blanket that I did make for my boy already.  Somehow the picture came out a bit crooked.  I don't have time to be a perfectionist though!  :0)

 It's my first blanket with batting.  I did strings because I don't have the patience to actually learn how to quilt right now.  Or the time.  Maybe when Linus goes to school.  :0)

Friday, June 10, 2011

A Link

I was reading a post about emotional abuse and too many things rang true for me.  
This one was especially haunting:

Denying – denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

How can I continue a relationship with a person who would act this way towards me?  How can I allow or encourage my five year old to have a relationship with someone who would act this way towards me, and most likely her?   How can I allow this to continue?  The one person I wish I could ask these questions, will never understand what I'm saying and will never be able to answer them. 

Food for thought for the weekend I guess. 


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sewing Lesson

Molly had her first sewing lesson on Monday.  This is the pillow for her baby brother.  (Sniff, sniff.)

Whenever she gets her picture taken she has to show off her tooth hole.  :0)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


I took a few pictures of the garden yesterday. It's amazing what a few plants can do when they aren't pummeled by huge hail stones for five minutes or however long.  We are having to water a lot though. 

I had a hard time sleeping last night and Molly and I went swimming.  It looks like nap time might be immanent.    


Monday, June 6, 2011

Nothing Exciting

First week of summer vacation, and I'm flat broke anyway. I told Molly this morning I was going to make her to do chores all day.  :0)  She's actually watching a Maisy dvd from the library right now.  Her father keeps taking her to the library on Saturdays, so I don't know if we'll go that  much.  Although I'd like to get her signed up for the summer reading program.  

I find out on the 17th if I still have the placenta previa business. I was trying to go to sleep the other night, and I realized that I don't want to have a C-section.  I could even picture the scalpel slicing me open.  (Shiver.)  Then I realized I don't think they use the scalpel anymore, although I'm not sure what it is they do use.  Anyway, I'm bothered by it.  Nothing I can really do now.  Hope for the  best, I guess. :0)

Molly and I did get a couple remnants at Hancock's so she could make a pillow for her doll.  She wanted to make one for the baby too.  She pointed to the fabric at the register and told the cashier, "That's for my baby brother!"  Too cute.  As unhappy as she has been about the gender of her new sibling, she told me the other day after she'd decorated my belly with stickers that she loved him.  She sings to him a lot too.

The garden is doing very well.  I'll get pictures up this week.  We are going to have so much squash.  And hopefully lots of corn and green beans.  

To do list, here I come!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Pre-K Graduation

That's right, Molly "graduated" from Pre-K today. I got a little misty in my eyes, but it's probably because I'm pregnant.  Molly got a reading award, a math award, a citizenship award, and outstanding attendance award.  Of course, I didn't get any good pictures.  :0(  I did try.  I suck. 

And I have to mention, the three Hispanic ladies sitting behind us yapping away in Spanish during the whole thing.  It was very distracting.  (And I use the term yapping to describe their voices, not because I think all Spanish is yapping.)  It was very tempting to turn around and give them a dirty look, but I just couldn't go all the way with it.  We did finally get up and move, but they paid us no mind and kept on yapping. I guess every graduation has at least one.  :0)

I must do some dishes and get dinner started.  So much to do, so distractable. 

Yay for Kindergarten!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Vegan Cupcakes! -Sort Of

I made vegan cupcakes for Mike for his birthday from a recipe from his mom, but I used butter and the icing is Cool Whip, so they aren't really vegan.  But they are oh, so good. :0)

And, of course, Molly put lots and lots of sprinkles on them!  Hope everyone had a good weekend!  

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yay For May!

Molly didn't get to go to the zoo yesterday because of possible weather problems.  I didn't think much about it, because she got to stay all day at school anyway.  Then Mike called and said to get a few things together to take to the cellar because he would come home a bit earlier than usual. So, I turned on the tv and Mike Morgan on Channel 4 kept interrupting my commercial breaks for these big lectures about not taking any chances.   Then the school called and a recorded voice told me to come get my kid. It was about forty minutes early.   We hid in the cellar for about two hours. We did hear some thunder and it did rain a bit. But there was some bad stuff other places.  Now I have indigestion, but I don't know if it's from being anxious or from pregnancy. 

Before I became aware just how bad the weather was, I did get this posted on etsy.  Here's pictures of more to come:

Thankful that all is well here.  Baby boy's movements are stronger, no preterm labor.  :0)

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's Monday Again!

How do the weeks cycle so fast?  We did have a very relaxing weekend after a very busy week. Not only did Molly get to go to the baseball game on Tuesday for being an overall good student, but on Thursday she got to go to the fire station to receive a trophy and a T-shirt for being "Reader of the Year," I guess for Pre-K.  She wanted me to go with her, I am assuming because she is still afraid of men, firemen included. She's been afraid of men since Christmas, but she's been clingy with me since, I think October.  I also finally read on the Dr. Phil website that clinginess is actually a sign that something is wrong.  So, my original assumption seems to be backed up by her behavior.  Grrr!  Not to mention that my assumption continues to be backed up by what she says.  Oh, that's for another day.  Had I to do it over again, but I don't. Lesson learned.

Anyway, I'm very proud of her. She seems to have blossomed in confidence in other areas in the past couple of months.  It's amazing to me what little effort it's been to put in her a little love, a little information, and then realize that she can just take that little bit you gave her and fly. :0)  I know a lot of it must be genetic and no real credit to me, but I think what a shame it would be to not encourage her to live up to that genetic potential, and that would be my shame. 

Molly and I have made a list of things to do for the summer.  It started with a request to go to McDonald's.  I haven't been to McDonald's in years.  (Gag!) But I guess I don't necessarily have to eat that much.  Did I mention my pregnancy sensitivity to salt?   Also on the list are, buy a Barbie (she has like nine, I think), go to the mall, get more finger paints,  learn to sew, learn to knit, and help me do the dishes and make dinner, which I usually don't feel I have the patience for.  :0)

Two more weeks left of school and then two months of summer break.  And actually I think I'm going to really miss her when school starts in August and she goes to kindergarten all day.  I realized that last Tuesday when I had to take her to school at ten.  By the time it was time for me to go get her I was going crazy!  Tomorrow she's going to the zoo with her Chesapeake mentor and I have to take her in at 8:00.  It's going to be a long day.  :)

Well, I better find my To Do List amongst all this clutter!



Thursday, May 19, 2011

Garden 2011

My experimental garden last year did not yield much harvest, except for the tomatoes, but I will not be discouraged.  The weather was a bit weird as well.  So far, despite the drought we started this year's planting season off with, our seeds have done well.

The corn is looking good.  I'm not sure what's going to happen with it.  I think they are a bit close together.  We have already thinned them out  a couple times.  

The tomatoes we started a bit late from seeds, so they will be a bit slower.  Mike figured out how to prune them though, so maybe they won't go crazy like they did last year.  Those other plants are the green beans.  I planted more this year, because they did pretty well last year, but I never got enough for a whole meal.  And finally!

I did way more potatoes because I don't think we got any last year.  Mike planted some carrots and parsnips that did not come up.  He put his pepper plants in the space instead.  There is squash back there and cucumbers.  We actually planted two rows of cantaloupe, but we've only got four plants, and they are tiny!

I can hardly wait to harvest something!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Tooth Fairy Came in the Night!

After three days of drama, bribery, and threats, Molly finally pulled her loose tooth.  And then she didn't even realize she had pulled it out until I told her, it was that loose.   She got a princess tooth brush with the spinning brush, some princess dental floss, Trident layers gum, and fifty cents.  :0)

Molly also got to go to a Redhawk's game today with her school for being a good student.  I don't want to sound like a giant cliche but I can't believe Pre-K is almost done with.  (Sniff, sniff!)

I did get a pool for Mother's Day.  It seemed a bit extravagantly priced, and I didn't think we should spend that much.  But then Mike reminded me that we had postponed Christmas presents for each other this year until Valentine's Day and then didn't get presents for Valentine's Day either.  And, he suggested, while we don't have a lot of savings, it's not like before when we had no house or health insurance.  So, I said okay.  Because really it's for our health.  It just turned out to be a bit more than we thought because of the chemicals.  I don't even want to look at the water bill when it comes!

Of course, it's been too cold to swim because it's May, but that problem will soon be solved. 

Happy early Summer Everyone! 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It's A Boy!

My ultrasound revealed boy parts.  The technician girl tried to drag it out and be all dramatic but I could clearly see that it was a boy.  It was very clear.  Molly was very unhappy.  She wanted a sister, but I think she'll like him once he's here.  And if she doesn't, I'll beat her!  :0)  

One complication has arisen.  I have placenta previa, which means the placenta is covering my cervix.  This is probably not good, but I did just read that 90% of 2nd trimester diagnosis results in the placenta correcting itself.  So that sets my mind at ease.  As I told my friend a few months ago, worrying isn't going to change the outcome.  I'll just have to take it easy and look for the signs and carry on as though everything is okay until I know otherwise.   They said he's the right size and looks fine otherwise.   I got pictures, but they weren't on a disc this time and I don't have a scanner. I'll see what I can do though.

Anyway, I got so much to do today!

Friday, May 6, 2011


Yesterday was such a good day that I am paying for it today with cat puke, dry heaves, and a migraine.  Tylenol does not work for me, by the way.  :D Yay!  

My belly has officially popped out though.

I've decided to stop hiding it and walk around rubbing it all the time.  :0)

Still haven't gotten more soap up on etsy, but I think I will work on it this afternoon instead of going to the grocery store.  I can always do that tomorrow. 

This is Molly with her friend Addie.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mother's Day

In some ways, Mother's Day is a little bitter sweet this year. A few weeks ago, I asked my mother to please leave me alone for a couple months in the hopes that after a break from her my head will clear a bit.  It is my intention to get to a point where I can disengage from the maddening emotional drama that I find myself embroiled in.  Emotional diversions can be tricky, but I have been feeling much more peaceful since I made my request.  

Having said all that, my parents problems are not my own, and I will make the best of my holiday.  After last year, I think I have only to go up.  :0)  Knock on wood and all that.  Molly asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.  She suggested a Strawberry Shortcake toy.  She then whispered in my ear, "I could get another Strawberry Shortcake car, just for you."   Then she thought perhaps a new microwave, a red one.  

I have since come up with my own list.  I would like:

1.  Molly to not get injured.

2. For the baby to be okay.

3. A swimming pool, deep enough for me to tread water in so that I can get into shape for that whole child birth thing.

4. A day free of loud, crazy, child noises-"songs" included.

5. A cat that does not tear down window blinds at six o'clock in the morning, jump onto precariously balanced piles of things, stand on my tender pregnancy breasts while I'm resting on the couch, or look at me with the saddest face ever when I yell at him. 

6. The baby to kick Molly's hand. Just one time.

7. Just fifteen minutes with my love.

But mostly, motherhood has been so much more fun and wonderful than daughterhood ever was, and really I think-at least for me-just being a mom is gift enough, let alone getting the chance to do it again. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sale #13

Maybe my tears yesterday were actually because of my allergies and my hormonal crazy town-ness. Maybe I don't care about death at all.  Muhaha!  Or maybe it was all three.  Anyway, moving on to better and brighter things. 

I had my 13th sale on etsy.  After a year and a half!  Yay! I'm doing awesome! 

I am a bit excited though.  Of course, I'm selling Mike's soap mostly and when he gets his own website situated I probably won't have anymore sales.  Ha, ha on me! I am having a bit of fun though and it isn't that more important?

Of course it is, and now I must go get Molly at school.

I'm going to get more soap up tomorrow.  At least that's my plan.


Monday, May 2, 2011

I Hate to Jump on the Osama Bin Laden Blogging Bandwagon

I was asleep when those planes hit the towers, and last night when the president announced that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, I was watching Netflix.  So I found out this morning on Facebook.  I shed a few tears, but I'm not sure what for.  Here are the thoughts I have:

Another mess cleaned up by a Democratic president?  I suppose I feel a bit gloat-ish about that.

I'm not a vengeful person myself, but now that I have a child, I can understand why some people would be dancing in the street.  I also know there are a long series of Post-War policies and actions that have played a part in this, that I am sure Bin Ladin was able to view his actions as justifiable. And vengeance leads to more vengeance, etc.  Should this not bring a tear to my eye?

I'm really not trying to get on my moral high ground today; I judge no one for their reaction.  Death is not an easy thing to digest.  And I guess that is my problem.  I don't know what my tears are for, except maybe...

I think a lot about the social and emotional isolation that it must take to create a monster, in general.  It's something I think about all the time not just today.  What it must take to be willing to throw one's own life away in the name of something seemingly so shallow.  Perhaps my tears are not for his death at all, but for his life, for the parts of his life he did not choose and for the parts that he did.  Sometimes the only thing to do with a monster is to slay him, sometimes it's just too late, too many people dead, too much suffering.

He was certainly not the only monster that could have died yesterday, but he was the one that did.  If I could pray to a god, I would ask that he grant me the ability to look at all monsters with compassion, lest I feed the monster inside me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Finally A New Item on Etsy

I finally got one of Mike's milled soaps up on etsy today.  I've got more coming too.  I've been a bit preoccupied with trying to figure out if I'm really feeling the baby move, or if it's just gas. :0)

Ingredients include pure shea butter and coconut lime fragrance oil.  Only $2.50 plus shipping. Comes with free cotton face scrubbie. Enjoy your visit to Etsy!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Post Easter

I am going to try out somethings, like lavender text to see what happens.  It finally rained after the longest drought since the Dust Bowl-according to Mike anyway.  It was a nice Easter anyway.  And Mike moved all the furniture and cleaned the floors in the living room and the dining room.  It is nice and dust bunny free.  I can hardly believe it.  He's paying dearly for it though with a terrible shoulder blade crick issue.  I actually had to push him out of bed yesterday. Before leaving for work this morning he said that he didn't sleep well and his back still hurt.  The boy needs a vacation but he's saving it for when the baby is born.  My poor boy. 

I personally feel pretty rested after a long weekend and I really need to get my To Do List out again.  I know I keep saying I'm going to do this, but I have been accomplishing more lately and I know I need to take advantage of the second trimester energy levels.  Speaking of which, I checked a book out at the library on natural childbirth so that maybe this time I can have a better idea of what is supposed to happen in the natural world. I have no real regrets, but there are a couple things that I would like to do different this time around. I'm not going to rent a birthing tub and try to have it in the middle of the living room or anything, but I've realized how little I really knew about what was going to happen last time. 

Stuff to do now, YAY! I hope the colors don't hurt your eyes too much! (MOOHAHA!)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Couple Pics

A few weeks ago, Molly convinced her Grammy Mary she needed to go bowling, and so we all went bowling.  

And here she is with her baby cousin, Izzy.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Molly Took Her First Shower All By Herself

Molly informed me yesterday morning that she wanted to take a shower every morning and that would be "her life."  She'd just had a bath the night before so I told her to wait until today.  And she just got out.  I did help her with her hair a bit though.  :0)  Now she's going to do some yoga.

Mike has been hand milling his soap to see if it makes it better and adding shea butter to it.  So far it seems to be harder and longer lasting.  But he picked out a bunch for me to put on etsy, so guess what I'll be doing all week.  He just used the molds that he found at Hobby Lobby, but we are hoping to get some better ones later.  

I also spilled coffee all over the desk, so I think it might be time to clean up the clutter. Molly seems to think our desk is for her stuff too. 

And finally, we are the proud parents of our first green bean plant of the year, as well as our first corn plant ever.  I'm getting excited.