Yesterday sucked. I had a sinus headache that made me extra dizzy, and so, of course, I threw up. :0(
But overall things are going well. I had my screening on Tuesday for the genetic defects and everything came back fine. My phone was on silent somehow, so they called Mike and told him that we had a really low chance of such problems. I'm very grateful, as I wasn't sure what I would do if it turned out differently.
We did get some neat pictures at the ultrasound.
When I started this blog, I never meant for it to be a mommy blog. I hope I haven't crossed any lines. Sometimes I just don't know what else to write about. My days aren't that interesting, and I can only write about politics so much. I hardly ever read anymore. I really just watch Murder She Wrote and put off doing the dishes all day. :0) It seems like there are plenty of people out there waxing the philosophical about what it's like to be a mother though, so I really see no need to add to that conversation at the moment. All I can say is, it's hard and wonderful all at the same time. I guess, also, because of the pregnancy, my brain is not working the way I am used to. I am about to come out on the other side of the first trimester though, and I am hoping that means I will start feeling better. I am sad that when I try to pick up Molly my arms scream out, "No! We can't do that anymore!" I guess I will soon have a new baby to hold, but I fail to see how it will replace her, my first born that I would die and kill for. :0) Growing up can be so bittersweet.
Every time I search the blogs for blogs to follow, I come across all these "Mommy blogs" and they all thank god many many times for all their blessings, and it all just makes me sick. I always wonder what goes on in those families when no one is looking, because no one can be that beautiful AND happy AND grateful AND perfect.
Then I sit down to write my own blog and find myself writing about my only child, whom I love so dearly. She's starting school in about a week and a half, and I admit I'm getting a bit misty. But the thing is it doesn't seem like YESTERDAY that I brought her home from the hospital, it seems like a long ass time ago. So much has happened since then, and I guess it went by kind of fast, but the experience has been such a full one that I'm actually a bit exhausted. I'm so looking forward to my two and half hours a day to myself. :)
One day when she was a baby I was watching Reno 911 while she screamed in my arms. I can't remember enough about the episode to explain it, but someone was singing Amazing Grace and I remembered how soothing that song was. I started singing it and Molly went right to sleep. I sang it often to her going back and forth between that and Train In Vain by the Clash. As a non believer, it is hard to know how to approach the subject of religion with a child, because I want her to make up her own mind about it someday. As I sang that song to my infant, I started to understand how easy it would be to give credit to something other than myself for all the joy I felt. Saying I'm lucky seems so hollow somehow. And while I still can't take that leap of faith, I can say that life does seem rather magical sometimes. And there, by the grace of god go I.
