Cocoon

Here's a picture of the custom order I made a while back.  I planned on listing it but I haven't made another set yet, and I just don't think I'd get it done very quickly if someone happened to want one, so I'll wait until next year I guess.

 

Monday

We got the house cleaned up yesterday.  It seems terrible on some level to want a clean floor and the laundry done more than to want to take the time to breast feed my baby.  But even bottle feeding takes a lot of time apparently.  I feel so less cluttered and dirty in my mind now too-now that the house is cleaned that is. And Mike let me sleep through the night Friday and you would not believe the world of difference it seems to have had!  Yay! 

So, today, I'm going to try and get some bean soup and bread made.  We'll see what happens.
:D  Laugh, laugh, laugh! 

I think I'll wait and get the etsy stuff going in January.  I really hope the economy doesn't get worse. For various reasons.  I hope Mike gets a raise soon.  :)

I'm So Tired of All the Pee!

Well if I'm not going to breastfeed, then I need to make up for it by using my time wisely.  Right?  Or should I just lay back, relax and enjoy my children?  I don't know.  Anyway I have my first sinus headache of the season and I'd really like to go to the grocery store. I hate being broke and owing doctors and hospitals a lot of money.  (Soap for sale!)

To all those people who rioted at Penn State:  if you use your position of authority to protect a rapist, you get what you get.  Jeebus. I understand you're disappointed in your hero, but get used to it.  Life is like that.  Events usually unfold to reveal that your hero, is after all, human.  It's sad, but it happens everyday.  Be your own hero.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on all those youngsters though.  Everyone has to learn in their own way, I guess.  I just get tired of people feeling sorry for powerful men at the expense of helpless victims.  It's insane. (The following statements are sarcastic in meaning.) Oh, you poor grown man.  It's not like you should have known better.  I bet that ten-year-old would've overpowered you had you not raped him.  You must have been so scared of that ten-year-old!  And poor Joe.  He must have been so scared to ask more questions than he did.  It's hard to believe grad students.  They are always running around talking crazy. 


Okay.  I'm done with the sarcasm, but not the disgust. I mean if you conclude that something inappropriate happened, but it just wasn't to the extent that was first brought to your attention, didn't, then, something inappropriate still happen?


Anyway enough with the current events, I need to get showered if I am going to go anywhere today. 

 

Maternal Love is a Complex Thing

I haven't given up on breastfeeding, but I'm afraid poor little Linus has.  He is just so hungry.  I'm trying to decide what to best expend my energy on.  He seems so much happier with a bit of formula in him. Or perhaps because the delivery system is faster.  I don't know.  It's also easier for me to get up with him at night if I don't have to spend an hour and a half feeding him each time.  

I'm also concerned about the fatigue induced indifference that I feel towards him at times.  He always looks so worried and I want so much to reassure him.  But sometimes I just lay there and listen to him cry because I don't want to get up.  I feel like I'm in a depression medication commercial.  And I feel like I failed.  Again.  I failed at something I wanted to do.  Except that I have found that I don't want to do it all the time.  I'm just a big bag of contradictions I guess.  

To end on a happier note:  He's growing and he's started to coo and smile a little.  He looks around a lot.  At least now Molly can feed him sometimes. :)

 

Halloween Pictures

I actually got about six hours of sleep last night!  Yay!  I'm having trouble mentally, emotionally, physically keeping up with how much this kid needs to eat.  I have plenty of milk, but just not the energy.  So, I've been supplementing.  The upside, he sleeps so good.  :0)

Here's a couple pics from Trick or Treating. 

Poor little Linus peed his pants and got upset and had to quit trick or treating early.  Then Daddy tried to feed him and he threw up.  But Molly had a good time and got lots of candy.

 

Back From the Baby Making

    Well, I feel like I'm ready to get back to work, but since someone likes to scream from midnight to five in the morning I don't really know how things are going to go.  I will have to make time I guess.   How do you take care of yourself and do the things that you want to do?  Not that I don't want to take care of my new little bear of course.  It just seems so time consuming right now.

This pregnancy was a lot harder on me than the last one too.  As well as the labor and birth.  That stubborn kid had to come out face up.  Now I know it could have been worse and all, but I didn't enjoy having to stop pushing so that I could throw up.  That was no fun.  I don't think it was bad enough for PTSD or anything, but it was traumatic enough for me to accept that I'm definitely too old to do it again.  :0) Two is plenty anyway.  As I used to say when I didn't want to have children at all:  There are 7 billion people on the planet, why do I need to make more?

On a completely different subject, I have to say that I am so glad that Qadafi is not in a position to do anymore harm.  And I do understand that his last moments of life were probably much better lived than those of a lot of his victims.  I really don't want to judge anyone their celebratory moment on this issue, because, frankly, any sense of mercy that guy might have received from me went away when I read about the attacks on the hospitals.  So, I'm hardly one to be on my high horse this time.  I understand the videos and the pictures and the displaying of his body.  I really do.  What I hate is my five-year-old daughter seeing those very same images on television and having to explain to her why it's kind of okay to be glad someone is dead.  (I know, I know, turn the channel.)  I don't understand why I have to keep looking at a gruesomely dead body.  Why is it so important to show those graphic images on the news repeatedly?  

Maybe it's because I recently gave birth, but isn't the belief in the sacredness of human life what separates us from people like Qadafi?  His victims can have their moment, but should we perpetuate this love of gore and violence, even when it seems justified?      

What do you think?

Linus Virgil

Well, here he is, in all of his perfection. :0)