Castleville

I have officially gotten bored with Castleville on Facebook.  So now it's back to work.  :0)  Mike and I spent some time cleaning the back room yesterday, and I am feeling so much cleaner.  :0)  The soap shelves have been cleaned.  We've bought some lye.  Mike is taking off all next week.  Hopefully we'll get some soap made!  Among other things that we need to do.  :0)   We've been doing the family swim thing at the YMCA on Fridays.  And when I'm not sick I've done a little running at the track.  I can already tell a difference, although I haven't lost actual weight yet.  I just feel better in general.  Linus has figured out how to put his finger in his nose.  :0)
Molly is almost a kindergarten graduate!  Oh, what an adventure it has been!  

Keep Calm and Carry a Concealed Weapon!  I guess. :0)

Moving Forward

Well, I'm still sick, but now that I have a little coffee and orange juice in me I feel a bit better.  Mike thinks I should go to the doctor, but I really don't want to.  Instead I'm going to sit around watching tv and knitting.  If I get worse, I'll go, but I really think I'm fine.  I will do my best not to sneeze on the yarn.  

Linus is sleeping so much better in his own room now.  I'm so glad.  Molly is almost done with school.  She's almost a kindergarten graduate.  (Sniff, sniff.)  I'm not sure how I feel about the upcoming summer vacation.  It's only two months though.  I have two and a half weeks to get some things done for etsy before she's hanging around the house 24-7.  Oh, she'll probably be playing with the kids down the street all the time anyway.

For Mother's Day I lost my voice.  I wonder if that is symbolic in some way.  :D 


Here we go.

Mother's Day Is Here Again

It's been a rough couple of weeks.  Linus keeps rolling over when I change his diaper, pulling up on the rocking chair, and he's been a bit sick and doesn't want his nose cleaned.  Molly's as defiant as ever.  And demands attention when it is most inconvenient.  I was sick yesterday.  Still mood swingy.  :(   I think that's all the bad stuff. 

Linus's bumps and bruises have been pretty minor so far.  We got a new front door.  Linus has also discovered Yo Gabba Gabba. The garden is doing pretty well.  Although we planted a little too early and the corn didn't get very tall.  I think in a couple weeks we'll pull it up and plant some more. There are a whole bunch of potatoes and butternut squash though!

And it's Mother's Day.  And just like last year, it's a little bittersweet.  I love being a mother, but a daughter?  Not so much.  It is amazing I think that after all these years, knowing what I know, deciding what I've decided, doing what I've done,  and still at the age of 36, I can still feel so, so abandoned.  And I mean amazing in a bad way.  I'm not trying to be rescued.  I only want to take care of myself and my child, and somehow it hurts so much.  Every time I see or hear anything about telling your mom how much you appreciate her, my chest hurts.  If I do that, if I reach out with an olive branch then the expectation will be that things will go back to the way they were.  I can't allow that this time. 

As Dr. Phil says, "You can love someone and not love what they do."  

I love my mom.

Now that I've exercised that demon for the year, it's time to move on.  And Mr. Screamy needs to eat.

Happy Mother's Day!

I don't like Blogger's "New Look".  And I can't figure out where my photo albums are on Facebook, nor how to put more pictures.  Maybe it was just taking too long.  And then I remembered that I hadn't blogged in awhile anyway.  Which leads me back to Blogger's new look.  Blah!  I usually try not to complain about change just on principle, but this whole social networking thing is getting me down.  Actually, I think I'm hormonal.  Like, really bad.  I got really depressed the other day. That hasn't happened to me in a long time.  Not like that anyway.  But I'm better now.  I'll probably get really angry in a few minutes though.  Stick my tongue out.  Like this :P

Until the anger comes enjoy this:

 

Treasury Link

I made a fun little treasury over at etsy if you are interested.

(Teething baby whining in the background.)

Oh, Man!

It's been a rough couple of weeks.  I watched all the Hoarders episodes and lost my motivation.  I enlisted Mike to help yesterday and he brought all my stuff down from the baby's room and it's now sitting in the living room.  But I think with a little bit of work, I can organize it and get rid of a few more things.  Yay!  Now I just need to get some kind of curtains together and maybe a crib and Linus will have his own room!

Last weekend was the eventful one though.  After what seemed like months of coercion, Molly bumped one of her front teeth on the strawberry container and it fell out. But she still refused to pull the other one.  Then Mike got some free baseball tickets that night I let Molly eat popcorn, cotton candy, and drink a whole bottle of grape soda.  So, after the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny came, Molly threw up.  I had to clean that up and convince Molly to go back to sleep instead of trying to find all her eggs.  

Then the following Tuesday the other tooth started bleeding and there was this black bubble underneath.  I had never seen such a thing so I made her pull it.  Or rather I tried to make her pull it. Mike came home a bit early and asked to look at it.  He saw his opportunity and he flicked it out.  So glad that is finally over. Except now Linus is getting his first tooth and he's very grumpy about it. :(


We survived the tornado out break and I had three sales on etsy.  Yay! XD  I can't get stuff made to replace the stuff that sells!  But I sold my bath mat, so I have another in the works.  I'm kind of excited about that.  XD


I hope everyone had a good Easter and lets hope for no more tornadoes!  (It's not global warming.)


Out for now! 

I've Been Watching Hoarders Again

It seems that I am about one tragedy away from becoming a hoarder.  I'm evaluating my own attitude towards cleaning and why I hate it.  Because, actually I don't hate it while I'm doing it, just before.  And then I really enjoy have things cleaned and straightened up.  

Here's the thing though.  I have a whole bedroom that is supposed to be Linus's room, but it's still got this big pile of fabric and yarn and patterns in it.  Oh, yeah, and I'm growing some lavender up there.  But what am I supposed to do with that pile of crap?  It's overwhelming. It really is. But, I'm working on it. 

I hate to clean because I don't think I have a good example to go by.  And I didn't have good teachers about this sort of thing.  No joy, no patience, just someone else's version of perfect.  I rebelled and kept my room messy, as Molly is doing now.  I learned  to hide everything out of sight, tucked away, bursting at the seams, always threatening to tumble out, to expose me for who I really am.

And this is who I am:

Messy, lazy, incompetent,  unable to carry out simple instructions.


Except that wasn't who I was at all.  It's not who I am.  It's someone else's version of me.  The world made sense to someone else if I exhibited those qualities.  Everything had to be a struggle, a battle, a challenge--one that I could never win anyway.  And rightfully so. 


I want my house to be clean.  I want curtains.  I want Linus to have his own room.  But it is just such a struggle inside.  


Overwhelmed by all the cords attached, I think, to this laptop.  Overwhelmed by the bags of yarn tucked into shelves, the dust coated typewriters(that aren't mine-see I'm doing it too-blaming), the shredded cheese dropped on the floor.  Overwhelmed by the very idea that I could be something other than what I once chose to be.