Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2011

I decided to come back a day early because I am excited to get back to work.  I have still been reflecting a bit on my life and all that I've been through over the past year.

I have noticed since having given birth to my son, that when I look in the mirror I no longer see something to hate, but rather, a normal person.  As Christmas came and went this year, I realized that there is no longer anything holding me back.  What once made me feel incompetent and invisible is now falling on deaf ears.  I am human, hear me roar!

I have been thinking about what kind of people I want my children to grow up to be.  The most important things that I want for them to be is kind-hearted and adaptable.  I don't want them to get lost in the ideas of the past and settle for a way of life that does not serve them or the people they love.  And I want them to live for themselves.  I actually told Molly the other day that her life is her own, to do with what she wants.  (However, I do fear her tendency towards control freakdom--Did I just make up a word?) 


I remember once in my life when what I had planned out for myself became impossible.  I was a tender 18, and the one thing I realized then, was that no longer was I tied down to a vague, yet rigid plan of action, but that the possibilities of where my life went were endless.  If only I had gained the confidence then that I have now.  Sigh!  But the time for living in regret is gone for me now.  I feel that way again.  There are a million possibilities opening up before me again.


While I'll never be a doctor or a musician,  and I'll always be with Mike and I'll always be a mom, there are now so many roads that I can go down.  I can't wait to see what the next 36 years bring.  Hopefully it will be good and cancer free! 

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