I decided to come back a day early because I am excited to get back to work. I have still been reflecting a bit on my life and all that I've been through over the past year.
I have noticed since having given birth to my son, that when I look in the mirror I no longer see something to hate, but rather, a normal person. As Christmas came and went this year, I realized that there is no longer anything holding me back. What once made me feel incompetent and invisible is now falling on deaf ears. I am human, hear me roar!
I have been thinking about what kind of people I want my children to grow up to be. The most important things that I want for them to be is kind-hearted and adaptable. I don't want them to get lost in the ideas of the past and settle for a way of life that does not serve them or the people they love. And I want them to live for themselves. I actually told Molly the other day that her life is her own, to do with what she wants. (However, I do fear her tendency towards control freakdom--Did I just make up a word?)
I remember once in my life when what I had planned out for myself became impossible. I was a tender 18, and the one thing I realized then, was that no longer was I tied down to a vague, yet rigid plan of action, but that the possibilities of where my life went were endless. If only I had gained the confidence then that I have now. Sigh! But the time for living in regret is gone for me now. I feel that way again. There are a million possibilities opening up before me again.
While I'll never be a doctor or a musician, and I'll always be with Mike and I'll always be a mom, there are now so many roads that I can go down. I can't wait to see what the next 36 years bring. Hopefully it will be good and cancer free!